Dear Patrick,
It has been 17 years since you died. I have been thinking about you a lot in the past few months, there is so much you would have wanted to see that i took away from you. So much happiness, joy, experiences and decades of life that i selfishly stole from you, and i can never give them back. There is nothing i can do to truly pay for what i have done. I would have killed myself long ago if it meant i would face rightful punishment, but that would just take away my suffering.
The image of your blown off face is etched into my mind. I see it whenever i close my eyes. Whenever i sleep i dream about you. I keep on waking up at 2 AM because of nightmares about you. I wish you hadn't threatened to snitch, because then you could still be alive. I am so sorry